ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
