I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
