coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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