I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
