Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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