A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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