sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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