So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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