honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
