This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
