im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
