i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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