Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
