last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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