I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
