Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
