taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
