The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
