On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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