He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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