I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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