last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How does it feel to date your dad?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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