it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
