I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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