i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
