I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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