It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
