Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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