you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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