and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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