I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just gift wrapped bread.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
