My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
