She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
