We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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