Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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