So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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