so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
