Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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