dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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