Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
