I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize