Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
