I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
