I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize