you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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