i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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