Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
