I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
