When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
