i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
