around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
