My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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