Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
