Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
