bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
