Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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