This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
