If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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