Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
