You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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