ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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