You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
