Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
