Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
do nipples grow back?
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