I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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