apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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