This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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