Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
