Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
